The Poop Deck

Two whales, a male and female, are swimming off the coast of Japan when the male whale looks up and sees the whaling ship that killed his father 5 years ago.

Excited at the opportunity to avenge his father's death, the male whale says to the female Let's go underneath the ship and blow air through our blow holes. That ought to knock their boat over, and make them think twice about killing innocent whales.

The female whale agrees, and the plan works perfectly. Once the whaling ship has completely sunk, the male whale notices that most of the sailors are making their way back to the shore by either swimming or in lifeboats.

Not willing to let them get away so easily, the male whale yells They're going to shore - Let's go gobble them up!

Just then, the female whale becomes less cooperative: HEY!, she says, I agreed to the blow job, but there is NO WAY I'm swallowing seamen!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Three Fishermen

Three guys were cruising on the Columbia one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the 1st guy asked humbly, Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?

Of course, my son,Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back he felt relief for the first time in years.

The 2nd guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving , asked if Jesus could do anything about his poor eyesight.

Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the river.

When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

When Jesus turned to the 3rd guy, the owner, the guy put his hands out defensively -- Don't touch me! he cried,I'm on a disability pension.

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning yacht. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire river into beer!" Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire Columbia turned into the finest brew ever to flow from the Cascades. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat.

There were these two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistaked him for John and stated, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible.

Joe, thinking she was talking about the boat, said, Hell no, fact is, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her, she was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The damn fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the damn middle!!!

The old woman fainted.